Filth

Though it may seem I brush things off so easily you can't see what I hold beneath this protective shell. You see a smile, but I hide a frown. You hear laughter, but I hold back tears. You see strength, but I'm paralyzed by fears. You think optimist, but this glass isn't even half full. The face I put on is more then just for show. It's my hide away from my own self-loathing. I thought if I buried myself deep enough I wouldn't have to see the layers of filth that I wear, but now I see it perfectly clear. The mistakes I'd made before were not tangible, but this is something new, something real. I no longer know how to react, to feel. My thoughts, my body..both disgust me. I feel like a stranger in my own skin. A traitor to the me I thought I used to be. I feel like little more, less even, then the slander I've been given. I'm opening myself up so you can see and watch me bleed out my shame. Go ahead and spew your scorn. Add your words to my contempt. Feed this hatred and watch me burn. Leave me alone to let me rot. Maybe I'll let you pretend you can despise me more then I already do, but you will never feel the grime that I can never wash away. So go ahead and throw it all back in my face, because I've already torn myself further down then you could ever hope to lower me.