Stop

How do you walk away from something you don't want to leave? Something that you know would kill a piece of you inside to leave behind? But to stay is only to cause pain and destroy it even more slowly. Either way it's going to break, so why stay if doing so is only to watch it fall apart? It's hard to put back a puzzle that no longer fits and you can't force something that doesn't belong. I never wanted to learn to hate you, but how can I not when you make me hate myself? I wish you'd stop pretending. I don't need the lies and you don't need to live on memories.

Reminiscing

Mandlicht, eons have passed since the storm that is you first swept over my spirit yet joyfully I am ever lost in your current. Your name is my haven, your touch my heaven, your voice my earth, your eyes my sea. You are a firestorm, I am a forest. Consume me. I am summer, you are the sun. Make me real.  I am a jungle, you are the rain. Fill me. I am an angel, you are the maker. Only you can kill me now. I will not let them and when I go to war I go for you. Bless my spirit with yours. Amin mella lle. -Tia Teri-

Baby Monkies O.O

I had two dreams last night. Not sure which one came first. Anywho ^^ So in this one I had a baby girl. She was adorable, but the doctor said she had an iron deficiency and pulled out the thing of iron pills. I didn't think that made much sense so I asked him if I could just feed her foods with iron in it and he said no. She wasn't supposed to be eating food. >.>' Which really makes no sense 'cause I don't think she should be taking huge freaking pills personally.. but as I was saying.. I got all depressed about it and started walking back towards the car only to realize that I had left the baby back at the doctors office. I woke up as I was rushing back to go get her. Oddly enough, in the dream I was thinking to myself, "When the hell did I have a baby?"

The second dream had Tanya in it ^^ Haven't had a dream with her in awhile. I can't remember all the beginning details. We were playing dress up o__o Really cute clothes. I think they were white and pink. The shorts had all sorts of cute designs on them. Mostly of animals and rainbows I think.. >.> Shut up.. it was cute.. and it had a belt with a monkey buckle in the back and a tail that came off with a dangling monkey icon tied near the end of it. The rest of the outfit wasn't as memorable. They were actually her clothes we were going through. She had some really cute stuff. So she decides she wants to take pictures and I'm good with that, but she only wants to use the flash so makes the room really dark and now that I think about it o.o I think my little sister actually ended up walking through the room. Random. When the flash went off Tanya's face lit up like she had some glowey stuff on it x.x and her eyes glared white.. It was really, really creepy.. Reminded me of a demented clown. We only got two pictures off before I woke up. The second picture was of me chasing ball she'd thrown on all fours. o_o' It was... just plain weird.. The ball was red by the way. If that matters.

Conversation With Myself

Myself: So why won't you date them?
Me: They don't have what I'm looking for.
Myself: And what are you looking for?
Me: A fairytale.. and I know I probably shouldn't, but I'm going to hold my breath anyway.
Myself:: I guess some childhood dreams never die.
Me: Nah.. It's just that I had found it once and then I lost it. Ever since it seems like I've been chasing it down trying to find it again.

Dream

Had.. two dreams last night. I think it was two anyway, if not then it was one dream that switched in the middle. Either way in the first one there was this guy who I apparently was interested in and who was interested in me as well. He was somewhere near the pool that I was in. I actually ended up in the pool with my jacket on. I was trying to get it off as I jumped in, but didn't make it. Still got it off though. So I was swimming around for awhile and then Lonnie showed up. I guess he was upset about something. Either way him and this guy got in a "fight" of sorts. It was more like a verbal battle. Either way he ended up storming off and this upset me so I got out and chased him down, giving him a hug. He was all tense at first, but in the end he relaxed and hugged me back.
The second dream was about Gordon. I don't remember most of the details, but he was upset too. Not entirely sure about what, but he o__o tried choking my little sister. That was kinda weird. I finally got fed up with him and ended up attacking him actually. Well, not really trying to hurt him, just hold him down and make him listen to me. Mm.. Can't really remember much of this, but we ended up in a room sitting on different pieces of furniture and talking about.. something.. and spying on whoever was outside the window x.x'

Dreams

So I've been pretty bad about putting my dreams down lately. I've had three that I can remember, even if not in perfect detail. The first one was about a crocodile that was trying to eat me. I was standing on top of a fridge and the damn thing nearly got me. It could jump really high. I climbed from there into the attic and followed it to the other side of the house near the front door. The croc got up there as I was dropping down to the floor. I ran out the front door and towards a car. Anji was there and I remember Dawndra's son Legion was there as well. Anji almost left him behind. I remember being like "Wtf?" To her.
The next dream was of a boa constrictor who was trying to kill me. This dream seems familiar to me. I think I had it before. There were separate rooms in the building and they would fill with water. This helped the boa move around and get to more victims. It killed a few people. Luckily I wasn't one of them.
The last dream had me in a Serengeti setting. The rain gave it a bit of a swampish appearance in places where there were more trees. There were cheetahs everywhere and I was trying to navigate my way through the area without getting attacked or eaten. I came close to running in to them multiple times, but always managed to avoid contact. They'd jump towards me, or snarl, but never attacked. One cheetah came closer to doing so then the others. It had started to rush me and I had turned around and snarled at it, half crouched, neutralizing it in a show of dominance.After that I ran and strangely, there was a door that left the Serengeti and to another place. Here I was with a bunch of people and we were doing adventuring, but I can't remember what happened.

Dream Points involving the Crocodile:

The crocodile in a dream, if wild, represents a new beginning or change in your waking life. It is also a warning and can indicate danger of some sort. The crocodile can also reflect how you feel inside about others. It could be saying that it is time to take back your independence. If you decide not to attack the animal then seeing this creature is associated with the capability to survive in difficult situations, but can also stand for wasted potential.

I wasn't trying to attack the crocodile. I was running from it, so assuming the crocodile is representing my feelings about someone it could be saying that I'm being threatened by someone in my life and need to get away from them.

Dream Points involving the Boa:

Dreaming of the boa is about the same as dreaming of the devil, it indicates stormy times and much bad fortune. Disenchantment with humanity will follow. It also represents feelings of being emotionally suffocated or restricted. Alternatively, it represents repressed sexual urges or hidden enjoyment of sex.

I had the crocodile dream awhile ago, but this one was last night. I know I have sexually repressed urges and hidden enjoyment. I do feel emotionally suffocated/restricted a lot, but I wish I could understand more specifics of this. Like, why the boa was trying to kill me? And what it meant that it killed those around me? Maybe I'm letting my emotional hang-ups kill my relationships with other people? Even though the boa was out to kill me, it never seemed to try very hard. It was mostly just me running, but I could feel the hostile intent from it.

Dream Points involving the Cheetah

To see a cheetah in your dream, suggests that you need to get moving and be more active in pursuit of your goals.

I suppose this one is pretty self-explanatory. I didn't just have one cheetah, but a bunch of them and in a way it did feel like they were herding me. When I went to far in the Serengeti is when I started running into more and more of them and getting turned back around. The one thing that really stood out was the confrontation with the one cheetah. It was chasing me and I turned to face it, bringing us to a momentary standstill before running. It didn't chase me when I ran away.

Let Down

You know the best part about really needing someone? It's when they let you down and don't even notice. It's when you're screaming for them and they refuse to hear. When you're choking down your pain, because you don't want them to see you cry even though all you really want to do is curl up against them and let the tears fall, but it would hurt so much more to let them see and have them turn away then for them to never know at all. It's knowing that every good intention paves your road to hell and that every promise is just another way to lie. It's knowing what they say to win your heart is being said to someone else as well. It's knowing they'll never really see you, because their too busy looking somewhere else. It's knowing you'll never be good enough, because they won't even let you try. That you're just a part of the background when the main events not around.. But mostly, it's knowing someone else would love you right, but your hearts already been given away.

Sword and Shield

I hold his devil and he my angel. Without him I'd walk a path with no redemption for it's said when an angel loses her grace she falls, but when I lost my wings he grew his own and now we fly together. I've kept his soul safe where no sin can touch, for I know just what he'll do. I'll be his sword and I'll drop his enemies to their knees and execute them in vengeful blood. They'll know the wrath of a woman's heart and cower in fear of being the next struck down. Where I walk a path of blood will follow and where it leads will be the only place I've ever called home.
I hold her angel and she my devil. Without her I'd walk a path of fire, for no devil can enter heaven without getting scorched, but she followed me down so we could burn together. I've kept her soul safe from the evil she's wrought, for she truly knows not what she does. I'll be her shield and I'll defend her from foes that would do her harm and take the blows she'd not survive. In my protection she will be untouchable and for those that come for her blood they will only find my own. I'll follow where she leads so I can keep the monsters away, leaving her safe at the place we call home.