Don't Wanna Be That Girl

I'm so tired of being the girlfriend. The one who isn't trusted. Whose every action he's paranoid of. I'm struck by the feeling of wanting to fade into the background and watch from afar. I'm sure I'd make a better guardian angel then a girlfriend any day. Who would want to be the one who hurts the person they care most about? That's all I've learned from playing this part. Betrayal, pain, suspicion. I don't wanna be that girl anymore. I'd rather be the best friend who is trusted no matter what. Who gets to hear all his secrets. I'd sacrifice the more romantic side of things for the simple ones. I take more joy in that anyway. It's so hard to explain and I'm tired and I don't want to be awake right now, but I can't sleep. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. I had someone I considered a best friend once, because I could relate to that person like I couldn't anyone else. They were my go to person and then one day.. They just weren't. I suppose friendship is just as fickle as a real relationship. I'd love to have a best friend, but yet another downfall.. If it is a girl, there seems to be jealousy issues. If it's a male, there seems to be wanting more issues. Can't I just find that simple innocence I want? Being a girlfriend makes things so complicated as well. You can't have a male best friend, because your boyfriend gets jealous or suspicious. Another girl, and well.. I never hear good things from them. I'd rather not even get into all that drama.
I'm just tired of the complications. Is it so bad to want simplicity? To stop the hurting that comes with the relationship? I guess maybe it is.. Love doesn't breed perfection.. it simply amplifies the flaws and from it I've come to hate myself for the faults I'm beginning to see in myself. I don't think I was ever meant to be a girlfriend and I think if he were wise he'd move on, because in the end he will hate me just as much as I do myself.