What am I supposed to feel, because I don't know anymore. You seem illusioned by lies and hopes even when my words tell you otherwise. You keep trying to push your "love" and your "protection" on to me when you're the only one hurting me. You say that they use me and perhaps that is true, but at least I try. Even with my own cynical paranoia I still try, because I see who you are and I never want to be anything like you. You keep trying to compare us as monsters, but I'm on a different side of the coin. We may be alike in many ways, but we're turned in completely opposing directions. I wondered before if you even listened to the things you said, but after awhile even I stopped listening and when I did that, the ache stopped. The pain faded. Now we speak again and all I hear of is your hatred. Your hurt. Who are you to cast stones when you can say you love someone and then say this to them..
you have the fucking nerve to sit there and say ive always avoided us in rl when your still living a fucking fairytale? For what? Your gonna visit. Were fucking arguing and you run away to that place?! Are you fucking kidding me right now? Am I the only grown up in this? Wow. Fucking attention whore. I fucking swear to god. You fucking little rat, fucking with me. You'll give up us for them!? I fucking knew it. I fucking smelled it on you. Youre never going to change. never. Attention seeking whoorreee thats all. You know what im not other people I wont say what you want to hear because I dont want anything from you! i fucking hate you! you mother fucker! Fuck you. fuck your fucking face bitch. all this fucking time. "Oh im never on. im not . im cooping" lying trash! liar... you deserve them. Now I cry for nothing... ignored. I should kill myself tonight just for feeling made a fool of.. Fucking whore.. you get upset cause im right. you say to stop but im right.. your a deciever.. i just.. i just wanted something more and you choose them.. over me? full of shit. i ALWAYS FUCKING fight for you you never!! do it for me! just. . . tell me when you wanna grow the fuck up.
Again, what have you illusioned yourself with? There hasn't been an us for over a year. There's been a you and me. I don't think there was really an us before we broke up. You keep saying I don't care about you, but how many times do you think you can say that before I don't? The only way to cope with talking to you is to be completely void of any emotion. I'm tired, and I can't stress that enough. Five years is my limit. Five years of taking blame and insults and thinking you were right... To think it took me so long to say enough is simply overwhelming, but I've read that above passage over and over and I feel nothing to read it. Nothing. So tell me, what should I feel?
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