Uncertain

There are so many things one can say to ensnare another's heart. So many lies spoken in moments of desire and need. So many ways to turn love to hate. It all starts with a thought. A promise. An idea of something more that eventually deteriorates into less than what was hoped for. Hushed words spoken to longing hearts about a life of forever, but forever doesn't always exist in a world full of uncertainty.

Love Again

I'm not sure I know how to love anymore.
-It's okay. I'll show you.
Is that even possible?
-Do you want to find out?
Yes, actually, I think I do.
-C'mon then.. Just don't let go before it's over.
I don't know if I'm that strong.
-None of us do. That's why all we can do is hold on and hope the person we're with doesn't let us fall.
Are you going to let me fall?
-I'm going to do my best not to.

Distrust

For years all I've heard from people is that somebody is saying this or that behind my back and that this person isn't really my friend or that person is using me or lying to me.. and then I hear from people who are supposedly friends that I'm selfish, neglectful, inconsiderate. I never really let it get to me, because I figured it didn't matter as long as I could try and help them, because everyone needs a friend, right? But now, I'm just too tired of acting like it doesn't matter, because it does. It hurts. And now I just don't trust anyone. I don't want them near me. I don't want them knowing me or trying to learn about me. It's all stuff they can just use against me.

Tiger

I had a dream with lots of dogs in it last night and some cats. I remember the cats and the dogs who lived with me ended up befriending some strays who they wanted to keep with them. They ended up staying on the roof because the strays didn't want to sleep inside. One of the dogs was missing though so I went to find him. It led me to the middle of nowhere train tracks crossroads area. There was a lady here who owned a bunch of dogs. They were actually very vicious, but whenever one would growl at me I'd say hi and it would stop. She was sitting next to one dog that was in a cage. She told me I was good with dogs and I told her so was she. Then the caged dog attacked a couple puppies who had ended up against the fence thing. One disappeared and I scooped up the other asking why she let them do that. She said, why not? I decided to keep up the pup and asked what name to give it. I could actually talk to the animal telepathicly. The first name it gave I laughed and said no, but it ended up with his heart set on Tiger for some reason. He was all striped and a beige like orange. I couldn't take him home though, but I said I would come back to visit. The woman asked if I was going to the other side of the tracks and I said no. She said good, that her brother lived on the other side and he was a cruel person. I went back in the direction I came but I soon got lost and ended up in someone's yard. He started following me around and said he'd lift me over the fence. I got a strong creep vibe from him so i kept declining and got out of there real fast. I ran into another guy there who was just as creepy only more forceful he tried to hang on to me and what not so I ended up screaming for the woman. He asked what she was going to do, sick her pooches on him. The end of the dream ended up with people on my side attacking the small group of houses. It was all war like.

Memory

I believe I've finally realized why you always made her feel that way. So feminine. So pure. The way you interacted. Spoke. You had that olden day charm. You were the knight in shining armor that girls used to dream about before they woke to the harsh reality of lies and betrayal. Of imagined hurt that became real. You were that passing dream they couldn't quite catch. The wish that they hoped would come true. She never truly forgave you, though she said she had. Somehow, she thought you knew and understood. Forgiving would cause that time to fade. To make it all unreal. So she held onto that last tie that holds the dream together. That last little bit of a happy memory.

Repeat

What I really want is someone who can say all the sweet things in the world and actually mean them and them being just for me. This thought, however, makes me never want to say anything of the sort to anyone, because what if it gets messed up? I suppose I'll have to learn to never repeat the same thing twice.

Nonexistent

I miss this friend I used to have. Maybe it was only in my mind. Something I longed for so created in someone else. Perhaps I was blinded by what I wanted to see rather then what was really there. A phantom I created in someone who never wanted to exist. Or perhaps I was blind in another way? Maybe I refused to see what I was being shown. Someone who craved more then what was being given and never wanted what they had.