So Sorry

I'm sorry has never held so much weight. My tongue is heavy with the words, but my heart can't let them out. How can I not blame myself when I feel like I took away everything that made you happy? How am I supposed to face you every day with the guilt and shame? You were the last person I ever wanted to see cry and now that I have what am I supposed to do? What do I say? How can it not be my fault? If I were stronger.. different.. more able.. a little less already messed up.. But I'm not and now there's one more trauma to add. It's not myself I cry for anymore and I wish I could have held it in. You never needed to know. You should still be smiling, but in a moment I took that away and I don't know how to fix it.