Letters For a Friend: 3

I finally understand the fear you always tried explaining to me. The anxiety and the tightening of your chest. The worry. The ache. The fear of loss and replacement and falling behind as things change so suddenly. It's like you're standing still and everything keeps moving around you. You just want it to slow down for a moment so you might have a chance to catch up. It's scary and I'm afraid. I wanted you to move forward, to move on, but now that you are I'm afraid you might move past me. I'm not used to seeing change in you. The unfamiliarity makes it seem like it's happening faster, but I know it's just paranoia. You've always been a constant in my life. The one person I could always depend on to be there even when it was something that upset you. The one man whose love I could accept, because there was no pressure or worry that you'd leave. I've never had to be afraid of you walking away or afraid of you hating me. It's why I've always been able to say I love you with such ease and why I can be so open with you about everything. It's a comfort I've never had with anyone else. It's something I'll cherish even when I don't show my appreciation. Even when I'm frustrated to the point of wanting to strangle the life out of you. You really have always been my best friend.