Letters For A Friend: 1

I said you would never hurt me with the things you say, but i somehow forgot to forget the pain. That momentary lapse was enough to make me realize I needed to let go of the memories I was holding. Our time has passed and we can't build over the scars. I can't pretend you can't hurt me just because you were there before, but it's hard to let go of something I held so close. Something that still helps to keep the pain away and calm my fear. I didn't and still don't want to see my friend isn't here. And yes, it hurts. It hurts because I can't forget. I can't forget the crying and the birds chirping and the singing and comfort. You built me back up from nothing. Saved me from believing I was just a worthless whore that someone almost made me. I can only figure it's vengeance. I can't believe you'd intentionally hurt me, though. Makes me realize just how easy it is to mess up and get hurt by mistakes. How easily those mistakes can turn someone. I couldn't, I can't, be the woman you wanted me to be. Seems like I can never be that girl. Sometimes no matter how much I wish I could be. And I really wanted to be. I didn't want to overthink. I didn't want to be afraid. I didn't want to have doubts. I didn't want to run or hide, but I did. I did and I regretted it up until now. I can't hold onto it anymore. Those two simple parting words cut something inside me. I'm not a whore of any kind and I'll never let anyone talk down to me like that again. No matter how much I care for them. Been there, done that. I'd shove those words back down your throat and make you choke on them if I could. I'll never lower myself for anyone ever again. I'm better than that and guess what? You're the one that taught me that. Who made me believe it and not even you can take that away from me. It might take some time, but I'll learn to separate past emotion from present, because I refuse to cherish those memories any less. They're mine and I won't let them be ruined. I won't not love a friend I made.