Letters For a Friend: 2

You hurt me in ways I didn't think possible. Tore me down to nothing and blamed me for everything. Is that supposed to be the price of love? I wanted to show you something more, but the pain wore me down. How could I hold you up when I couldn't stand on my own? I wanted so much to take your pain I sometimes forgot my own. I focused so much on it that soon that's all there was and when that was gone there was only guilt and then bitter resentment. I know before all that there was love. I know there were happy once. I couldn't tell you what happened if I tried. I'd still be there now if I wasn't so afraid. I don't want to fall back on old habits. And having you ask me for help, as a friend, something you've never called me before practically shattered me and broke my will. Yet, here I am, unable to help you in the way you need. I can't be there to offer you comfort or keep the loneliness away. I can't even give a simple word of care. I'm just too afraid. It took everything to let go. I can't think about the past we've shared without feeling a familiar ache. It's too hard. I'd like to think I'm emotionally invincible, but I'm not. If I were stronger I'd have walked away sooner. Maybe then we'd at least still be able to talk. I'm sorry for the pain we shared, but I hope you know I don't place any blame. I've let all that go. I hope you did too or can find it in you to. You deserve some semblance of peace and happiness. I know all you need is someone to love you. All sides of who you are and I know that you aren't the monster you pretend to be. You're just scared and lonely and want someone to hold you until all is right with the world. I don't hate you or resent you anymore. I wish for you to be okay. Selfishly maybe, because it would help heal some of the scars I still hold.