Heartless

Still you curse me for all the mistakes I made and yet I can't seem to say a bad thing in your name. It wouldn't feel right. I wouldnt feel right. The hate and abuse you throw my way.. I can't tell if it's real or just the way you found to cope. Either way it's not something I deserve. I loved you the best I could. the only way I knew. It wasnt my fault that things changed. I can't be your everything. I cant be your angel.. your healer.. your shoulder.. I can't even be your friend. Things were good at one time.. werent they? They must have been. I wonder when things changed. When did love turn to bitch and whore. When did it become wrong to have another friend. what did I do that was so bad that all you see is a monster. Or maybe its not me you see at all. Maybe its you. How could you possibly love someone when you despise yourself so much? when you treat yourself so badly how could you hope to treat someone else any better. After awhile it just became repetition without feeling. I can be the frigid one if thats what it takes.. because I would rather you think me heartless then let you tear my heart to shreds.