What I Think About You

Lonnie-He's meh sweetling aka best friend though I've never met him in person. He's my emotional support though, even if he's an apathetic jerk a lot of the time >.> who really just wants to be selfish and/or act like a blob. I fear his judgment even though he has yet to judge me. At least out loud or in a critical manner for the things I've done. When I tell him about things that truly effect me even if I won't admit it to myself, he'll cry for me. He'll support me. He'll do what he can and he'll die over the fact that he can't protect me. I love this guy <3 He's amazing and I don't care what anyone else has to say about him 'cause I don't care what kind of friend he is to you, just me. He seems so lost.. I feel like he's slipping further away from me at times. It always feels like there is somewhere else he wants to be. He's not satisfied with life. With himself. This is what he's been showing me lately and it really disappoints me.. Saddens me. -- Add on. Now we don't really talk much. My choice. I don't believe in him like I used to. I don't trust him like I used to and most of what he says just irks the hell out of me.

Angie-o__o My femme best friend and ex lover. She's awesome. She's out there. She's fun. She's sadistic and twisted and perky and chill. She's bi polar. She's my yang. She's my bad influence. She gives me strength. Support. Love. She's perfectly imperfect and I know if I ever need anything she'd probably be the first one there. She's strong even when she's weak. She's determined. Persistent. She's a shorty n.ns and adorable as hell and really needs to get over her self conscience feelings about her body, because I think she's beautiful. She's temperamental and gradually learning more self control. She's been growing in spirit and it shows in how she holds herself now. She's improving on her faults and has a lot of potential if she'll only allow herself to take hold of it and not get sidetracked. She's...meh schmetterling and I'll always love her. <3

Corby-He's a friend I sometimes neglect, but who is counted pretty highly amongst the majority of them. He has a lot of self-inflicted issues and I really feel connected on a mental/emotional level with him. He understands a lot of the things I share with him. Understands my feelings of myself. Like me, he explores his darker thoughts and feelings. I can share those things with him without feeling uncomfortable. He's an all around amazing guy who judges himself and his worth far too much. He takes on stress he doesn't need too and really knows how to devote himself to a person, even if that person treats him like trash in return. His heart is big. He's willing to help when he can and always offers a hand when I need one. He's become a pillar of support lately that I've really needed. He's my first mate n__n and the one who will understand when others won't. I'm glad to see that he's finally learning to stand on his own two feet. To push past the pain he's feeling and stand up for himself. To not allow someone to keep using him and treating him as an emotional release. It'll be good for him.

x.x' I should get this one over with soooo...

Pete- He's the guy I gave everything to.. Who I've fought with and for over the last four years. The one I've confided in of certain things and wish I could have confided in about others. He's the one who's helped mold me as I've grown. For better or worse, I'm not quite sure. He makes me confused, unsure, and weary. He makes me worry, angry, sad, frustrated.. He makes me want to strangle him and knock sense in him. He needs to grow up.. He's learning.. slowly. He's too dependent on his parents. He's critical. Pessimistic. Easily depressed.. Put down. He wants more, but doesn't fight for it. He just lets life happen. He accepts it. He's good at making me laugh. We're like polar opposites though. I guess he's the negative to my positive. The devil to my hell. He's my Beast and I'm the angel that never was.

Mandii-She's depressing, frustrating, fun, social. She holds herself down and even makes excuses for her excuses. She's a procrastinator and takes criticism badly. She's sensitive. She's friendly. She's a push over. She's a softy. She's got a big heart and lot of love to give. She's cuddly and touchy x.x' She wants things, but isn't willing to work for them. She's lazy and dislikes responsibility. She's hard on herself, but doesn't try to fix what she dislikes. She's easy to get along with and great to talk to. She tries to close herself up when she shouldn't. She's not good at conflict. She has lots of opportunities around her, but doesn't reach for them. She could probably achieve a lot if she really tried. She's a fantastic writer and has a love and gift for the arts. She just needs to open herself to the more positive energies of life rather then sealing herself in darkness... She's meh lil NymphoKat Lol XD <3 She is also somebody that I no longer consider a friend after the things I've learned she's said behind my back.

Gordon- o___o He's a sarcastic ass who likes to get what he wants when he wants how he wants. He's not a good person to be on his bad side. He seems to enjoy vengeance and giving people a hard time. He's outgoing and charismatic and an easy person to hate or love. He's like a drama magnet. He's amusing, entertaining, fun, hilarious, could probably make a living out of teasing people >.< Oh, and his ego is unrivaled and I can honestly say he probably created mine XD lol. So bad... Hm.. I miss him. He was a good friend until we stopped talking and drifted apart. He helped me through a pretty rough time, but then I slipped and fell back into a bad thing like I tend to do. For him, I just wanna say thanks for staying up long nights and keeping me company. It was awesome. He's awesome. He's meh lost Hostage. These are the things I prefer to remember..

x.x Gawd.. there's so many of you!!

Steven- I really don't have that much to say about you x.x' You're an ass...BUT you have really improved on that. We've had our ups and downs, but our friendship was never really tight. We have gotten more talkative this last month and it's been pretty cool. you sarcastic jerk. .. Now, however, you've dropped the jerk tag. You're actually a lot more open then you used to be. You seem to be less depressed to. I'm not sure if that's just a cover or not though.

Toii-PandiiCandii N.N You're another person with whom I'm not that close. You are funny though and have a pretty outgoing personality. I always enjoy talking to you so Yay for that n.ns

Adam-You o__o are a perv. Lol, just thought I'd get that out of the way. However, despite the fact we hardly talk anymore you are EPIC. I think you're the only person I've ever met that I just clicked with. Ever since we first spoke it has been nothing but laughs and just.. awesomeness. You were one of my go to people and I still trust you like I don't many others. I do miss talking and fighting off pink zombie gophers in the middle of the night DX aww... such good times.. You're one of my other emotional supports if ever I need and I know I can count on you for advice and basically whatever I need. You have a strong personality and are one hell of a determined man.. Knowing your situation and all. And you aren't that bad of a singer either. n.ns Anywho, you'll always be BigBrother to me.

Soren-Another friend who I've lost a bit of trust in. He's the only guy I can seem to have conversations and crap with and not be afraid of him being a complete pervert or hitting on me N.N It makes me happy. We can even have "sword" fights! Lol. n.ns No, even with the loss of trust he's still been a great friend to me and has always been willing to help and encourage me where I needed it. He's never faltered in supporting me and pushing me to do better for myself. We've had confiding conversations and great times >.> especially when I'm whooping him at grand theft walrus.. -clears throat- Anywho, he'll always be meh BigBrother too.

Zak-He has an adorable singing voice. o.o he hates being told he's adorable but he is. He's love struck and confused and stressed and frustrated. I'm weary of him. I do enjoy talking to him. He's flirty. He's got the emo hair XD and can do the flip! = awesome. Adding on from last time I wrote.. He's maturing and I'm rather enjoying the little changes I see. I feel less weary of him and feel more relaxed talking to him now.

John-I have very spiteful feelings towards him at times. He's wonderful to talk to. Intelligent. Witty. Savvy. He makes me feel stupid at times. He's good at cooking, baking, music, writing. He studies martial arts. o___o The dude is like freaking perfect okay ze.e! Likes to keep clean. Likes travel. Likes helping people. Has old standard morals when it comes to marriage and what not. He makes me push myself in my writing without saying a word. He inspires me. He's my Tia Teri, My Muse. He broke my heart and then I broke his. I have repressed anger towards him that I can't seem to let go even though I try and have given him my forgiveness. I place blame on him when I shouldn't. I guess.. He is my scapegoat. I take my feelings of hatred out on him and he just takes it. If I were anyone else he would've shut me down already, or so he says. He comes off to me as a humanitarian. He has big dreams. A big heart. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel so feminine and I can't figure out why. He frustrates me. I despise him. I'm getting irked just writing this so I'm gonna stop.

x.x I'm just gonna stop here.. might add more later. If anyone else wants me to write something about 'em just ask and I'll add it.

Now to continue...

Laskey- Well.. I've only met you a couple times so the most I know about you is just things I've heard from Mandii and other people. I normally don't like just going off what other people say, but for the most part you are a good friend to Mandii and I do have quite a bit of respect for you due to certain things concerning her and problems she's had. It shows good character. If we ever get the chance to get to know each other better I'm sure I'll have more to add to this.

Danielle: I don't really know much about you, but I have read some of your writings and I find them to be really well done.

Emily: Well.. When I first met you, you came off as more upbeat and spunky. As time progressed you began to show an inner sorrow and now I can see that aura clinging to you. You have a lot of happiness smothered beneath it though. Like rays of sunlight trying to break through a cloudy sky so the people around you only get to glimpse the beauty hidden behind the veil.

Randy: You come off as the guy who wants to do and fix things, yet instead you're stuck in the background. You seem to be struggling for the things you really want to achieve, but can't quite get out of the hole you've placed yourself in. You just really seem like someone who sits and directs from the back while others take the light. It's not a bad thing, but it makes it hard for you to get noticed and get your ideas out.

Kaylie: Lol, I know you said you didn't want to be placed in here, but.. I just have to add you to say, I can't really put much thought into you. I don't know even little tid bits about you.

Alycia: Can't believe I haven't added you!! Honestly, you're the only female I've been attracted to as a girlfriend type since Angie. I love your photography. Slightly envious of your skills actually. Lol. I think you have a very endearing personality, but when it comes to the men you like you try changing yourself to suit what they want you to be and then get frustrated when it doesn't work out. You come off as dependent towards your mate. You rely a lot on the feelings and thoughts they give you. I think inside you have a very strong persona though. You're definitely a dreamer. You just seem to get overwhelmed and give up easily. I hope you can over come your self destructive obstacles to accomplish everything you desire though.

Dierk: This is probably the first person I've met that has made me happy simply by being here. I've yet to have him do anything that actually makes me hurt. Even seeing his interactions with other people makes me smile. With him, for the first time, I got to see myself make someone ecstatic without having to worry about putting pain on them. I got to make them happy and then I got to see their joy over it. It was wonderful. I was talking to him and then he was talking to the other as well.. but it was me he was telling how he felt. How happy he was. How much warmth he felt. It was amazing.. and I'm pissed that somebody had to go and shatter that moment that had been created. It was just.. beautiful.. I've never experienced so much happiness as I did through him when he was telling me about what was going on. It was like the happiness of a child.. So pure. And now x.x I still have this song stuck on repeat. Lol.. I'm always curious to see what he's going to be up to next. What thoughts he's going to spill and emotions he's going to let out. It has me absolutely fascinated and I love sitting here watching him. It's not like with other people either, where I'm always trying to figure out every little thing. I'm simply content to let things fall into place and discover the things as they come. There's so many interesting little twists. So really, what's not to adore?

Obviously I have a lot more to say about some people then others. This is because my relationship is more developed with some. I hardly talk to the majority of you unless it's in brief comments. That's not enough to get a real idea of your persona so I can only gleam a first impression. I don't want to base my thoughts on only that. I'd be glad to listen if anybody wants to have real conversation though.