Meh Best Friend

Should I tell you all the things you truly mean to me? I fear the repercussions of what that may cause. Some things are better left without words to spit curses upon them. I fight against feelings and try to rationalize the why's and what if's. I fear endings almost as much as I do beginnings. I fear the loss of the one person who always seems to be there even when sense probably tells them not to be. I create excuses and reasons to avoid being put in that situation and act like it means little when you say what's going on in your heart, but never tell you my own in truth. Instead I give sad smiles and nod, wishing I could share the little things. I fear where they would lead. I don't think I want to go down that path and lose what I've found. I feel like I owe you though. I think you deserve to know.. I love you.

You're a part of me. You've engraved yourself into my essence without ever having to cross physical boundaries. You're the one I turn to when I feel weak. Lost. Hurt. The one I depend on for guidance and honesty. The one who I trust with my darker secrets, because I know somehow you'll find acceptance of who I am. What I've done. There have been times I've allowed myself to fold into your embrace and forget the world outside and just take in the moment. To fall into the urge to take you away to our own world where everyone else's pain would fade away and we could forget our own. I've wanted to be your shield, but I've always used you as mine instead.. And I've mistreated you so..

I'll always be the first to say, "She's not good enough for you." and I'll mean it every time. I'll always say, "Never settle for less then what you're willing to accept." I'll fail at times, but I'll always try to regain my lost footing and fix what I wrong. I never want to see you falter and fall. Never want to see you give up and let go. I want you to keep dreaming, because someone needs to keep that hope alive. I want you to let your soul fly to the places your body can't go. I want to see the impossible come true through your eyes. I want you to become everything you ever thought you could never be, but I never want to lose you as you are to me.

It is possible to love and not be together and be two and yet still be one.