Letters To A Friend 5

How far gone was gone for us? I don't think back often. After awhile the memories just faded out on their own. I didn't need the pain of what they brought. Even the good ones hurt, because they made the bad ones worse. I'm trying to open myself back up to what's past in hopes that maybe I'll actually let it go and move past it rather then repress it. Three things stand out. I miss you. I'm angry, and it hurts. I could never see from your side so I can only speak from mine. I muted myself at the end of it all. I didn't say a lot, because I didn't feel like wasting breath and I didn't want the headache. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I was done and just wanted it all to stop. I was tired of fighting and I was tired of making up. I was tired of the sweet things turning to rot and I was just tired of trying for a repeat cycle. You kept saying things could change and yet they never did. You said I needed to change, but you never acknowledged when I did and then when you finally got it, you said I'd turned into a bitch. Heartless. Cruel. Unkind. Isn't that what you wanted? Didn't you want me to stop being so nice? So forgiving? Hm.. I stopped forgiving and you said that it was just you. That I treated everyone else differently. That I forgave them. I'm not sure if forgiving is the right word, but I definitely let myself move past it as much as I was able. I don't want to hold onto things and let them embitter me, although I seem to have failed at this, I'm still trying. If you came back and we could actually be friends, if that chance was there, I'd take it.. But even when I was pleading with you to be your friend you wouldn't accept it. That wasn't good enough for you.

Everybody is the wronged when it involves more then one. That's what I've learned more than anything else in life. No matter how right you think you are in something, you're wrong to someone else. Maybe they hurt you, but you hurt them too. They angered you? Well, maybe you made them angry. They're incapable of emotions due to some strange brain wiring? Well, maybe they just don't get it. Either way, everybody is wronged and it is never right. Even when you win, you still lose.