Letters To A Friend 4

So, it's been awhile, huh? For awhile there you were really gone. No, that's not quite right. I'm not sure you ever really were. Not from me, anyway. Just highly distanced and out of mind for as much as could be. I have these days where I miss you more then words could say and I get this urge to make contact again, but I always stop myself. I know I can't do that. It wouldn't be right, would it? It's hard to discern what the right thing is to do sometimes. I'm making this choice and saying it would be bad, but you, well, you haven't reached out either, so maybe you agree? I can't really know and even if I asked I'm not sure the answer would be for the question or even true. I'm skeptical like that, but I'm sure you know. Hell, you knew me better then anyone for a long time. I just really hate what it was you say you saw. I've developed a bit of a complex over that. Two completely opposing sides, but maybe that just proves how much you really knew. Then again, maybe not. After some time you just shut me out and went on and on about things off of your own issues.
How are you, I wonder? Are you doing any better? Are you still drowning yourself in booze and drugs? Did you finally head back to school? Gain any confidence? Find a little hope? Stop stressing over the world? Accept that you have friends? I wonder..
Anytime I think that I should give in and just see if things could be different between us, I go back to what our conversations became. To how angry you were. How numb I was. You would scream and I'd just shut it out. It didn't work for us, but I don't see me jumping head first and fighting you on it to have worked any better. I don't think anything would have made it better, honestly. Not even if everything was suddenly perfect. After all, there's a lot of things perfect hides. Like candy coated rot.
Do you still write? You really had a way with words. I've lost mine. Words seem bothersome now and they don't want to come out so much. I've basically quit. I kind of picked up drawing. I cheat a little. I'm impatient and lazy with it so I never come up with my own poses. I guess that's okay. I just do it to keep myself busy and I enjoy it.
Nostalgia. I had better get back to work.

XO <3 br="">